President's Message
A Little Civility Goes a Long, Long Way
Civility is rapidly becoming a lost art. Who among us is not utterly dismayed by the lack of civility we witness at every turn, from the leaders of our society and our supposed role models, to our sports heroes, to the unnamed individuals we encounter on the sidewalks of our lives. We have created a culture that has come to view etiquette and manners as old-fashioned.
We see the breakdown of civility in simple things. The people who use their cellphones right below the “no cell phones” sign in the waiting room or the theater or even, (God forbid), in the sanctuary. The person who drops some litter on the sidewalk and doesn’t bother to pick it up. The driver who zips past a long line of waiting cars only to dart in and cut in front of everyone else at the last minute.
We have lost the art of civil discourse. The kind of language that has been used in political campaigns is language that wouldn’t pass muster in a kindergarten class. The constant noise of one television panelist interrupting another reduces what should be a conversation into a shouting match. No one is listening anymore. Who has time to listen? These days, no one even has time to wait to talk. Just jump right in. Talk over. Talk louder. And louder. And we see it again and again and again. Most frightening of all, it is clear that the deterioration of civil discourse flows too clearly into a river of hate and into a sea of actual violence.
We take a look at our world today and realize that we are drifting further and further from the realm of common decency that once held the very fabric of our society together. That common decency has a name. In Hebrew we call it ‘derekh eretz,’ in Yiddish we call it ‘menschlikeit.’ In English, we say ‘civility.’ Simply put, civility is the respectful, considerate and compassionate behavior that enables us to live and work together – locally and globally – embracing our shared humanity and interpersonal connections. Lest you think that civility is merely a Miss Manners instruction guide to behaviors that are outdated, be reminded that civility is no less than the key to a thriving universe. How we treat each other. The rituals we adhere to for treating each other. The reminder we need every day that we are not alone on this planet, and we have no time to lose in embracing the fact that our very humanity is bound up to that of others.
Judaism is predicated on not only doing, but listening. The Shema implores us to hear and listen first and speak second. To listen first is to signal that you value what the other person has to say, that you will ponder what they say and that you will respond in a reflective and measured manner. Listening is the highest form of engagement with others. We should speak with someone, not to someone. We often learn more by listening than by speaking. To tackle our most pressing problems, we need dialogue that focuses on listening first and talking second.
When you look up the word ‘civility’ in a Hebrew/English dictionary, the Hebrew word is ‘adivut.’ Adivut is a fine word and a good translation. But when you look up adivut, the translation into English is not ‘civility.’ Rather, it says: ‘kindness.’ Now that’s a wonderful lesson. The Hebrew teaches us that civility is really, at its core, about kindness. And kindness is the most important character trait in the world. Of course in high school, you would think that the most important trait was to be popular. In college, to be smart. In adulthood, to be successful. But in Judaism, it is to be kind. In high school, in college, in adulthood, in life: the most important thing is to be kind. Every single one of us, I am convinced, is kind. That’s the good news. And every single one of us misses opportunities for kindness every day. That’s the challenge. Kindness. Civility. Graciousness. Humility. Manners.
Words matter. Tone matters. Civil discourse too is a Judaic ethical obligation. Communication falters when civility is absent. Civil discourse is a moral and civic imperative. True dialogue is predicated on respect for the messenger, if not always for the message.
With every step, more gratitude, more awareness, more graciousness, more conscientiousness, more kindness, more civility.
Ilene S. Herr
Civility is rapidly becoming a lost art. Who among us is not utterly dismayed by the lack of civility we witness at every turn, from the leaders of our society and our supposed role models, to our sports heroes, to the unnamed individuals we encounter on the sidewalks of our lives. We have created a culture that has come to view etiquette and manners as old-fashioned.
We see the breakdown of civility in simple things. The people who use their cellphones right below the “no cell phones” sign in the waiting room or the theater or even, (God forbid), in the sanctuary. The person who drops some litter on the sidewalk and doesn’t bother to pick it up. The driver who zips past a long line of waiting cars only to dart in and cut in front of everyone else at the last minute.
We have lost the art of civil discourse. The kind of language that has been used in political campaigns is language that wouldn’t pass muster in a kindergarten class. The constant noise of one television panelist interrupting another reduces what should be a conversation into a shouting match. No one is listening anymore. Who has time to listen? These days, no one even has time to wait to talk. Just jump right in. Talk over. Talk louder. And louder. And we see it again and again and again. Most frightening of all, it is clear that the deterioration of civil discourse flows too clearly into a river of hate and into a sea of actual violence.
We take a look at our world today and realize that we are drifting further and further from the realm of common decency that once held the very fabric of our society together. That common decency has a name. In Hebrew we call it ‘derekh eretz,’ in Yiddish we call it ‘menschlikeit.’ In English, we say ‘civility.’ Simply put, civility is the respectful, considerate and compassionate behavior that enables us to live and work together – locally and globally – embracing our shared humanity and interpersonal connections. Lest you think that civility is merely a Miss Manners instruction guide to behaviors that are outdated, be reminded that civility is no less than the key to a thriving universe. How we treat each other. The rituals we adhere to for treating each other. The reminder we need every day that we are not alone on this planet, and we have no time to lose in embracing the fact that our very humanity is bound up to that of others.
Judaism is predicated on not only doing, but listening. The Shema implores us to hear and listen first and speak second. To listen first is to signal that you value what the other person has to say, that you will ponder what they say and that you will respond in a reflective and measured manner. Listening is the highest form of engagement with others. We should speak with someone, not to someone. We often learn more by listening than by speaking. To tackle our most pressing problems, we need dialogue that focuses on listening first and talking second.
When you look up the word ‘civility’ in a Hebrew/English dictionary, the Hebrew word is ‘adivut.’ Adivut is a fine word and a good translation. But when you look up adivut, the translation into English is not ‘civility.’ Rather, it says: ‘kindness.’ Now that’s a wonderful lesson. The Hebrew teaches us that civility is really, at its core, about kindness. And kindness is the most important character trait in the world. Of course in high school, you would think that the most important trait was to be popular. In college, to be smart. In adulthood, to be successful. But in Judaism, it is to be kind. In high school, in college, in adulthood, in life: the most important thing is to be kind. Every single one of us, I am convinced, is kind. That’s the good news. And every single one of us misses opportunities for kindness every day. That’s the challenge. Kindness. Civility. Graciousness. Humility. Manners.
Words matter. Tone matters. Civil discourse too is a Judaic ethical obligation. Communication falters when civility is absent. Civil discourse is a moral and civic imperative. True dialogue is predicated on respect for the messenger, if not always for the message.
With every step, more gratitude, more awareness, more graciousness, more conscientiousness, more kindness, more civility.
Ilene S. Herr